Fairy, Fairy Quite Contrary

A friend of mine's son lost a tooth the second day of school, and Charlie did too. What’s with the start of school and teeth falling out? Charlie lost one the second day of school this year, and lost his first two last year the second week of school.

Anyway, we couldn't remember what the Tooth Fairy gave him for the other two teeth, being that it was a year a ago. I am pretty sure we got him a toy as well as money. So at dinner I wondered aloud “What did the Tooth Fairy leave for you last time?”

“A video game,” he replied. “But you only get a toy the first time, after that just money.”

"Huh, I said, how much money I wonder?”

Five dollars,” he quickly replied.

After the boys went to bed, I got the cleanest five-spot out of my purse and pressed it flat and crisp with the iron. I set it up high on the bookshelf to wait until he was in a deep sleep. Well, of course we forgot about it.

The next morning Mark was yelling at Charlie to hurry up. I started to make his bed (yes, I make their beds, it's a long story). When I realized we had forgotten the money, I gestured frantically to Mark, pointing at the pillow. He caught on, and ushered Charlie into the bathroom to brush his teeth, all the while Charlie saying "I don't even have my shirt on yet."

Mark dug in his money clip and pulled out a five dollar bill, not the one I had so diligently prepared, but a wrinkled old thing that I am sure is one transaction away from being shredded at the Department of Treasury.

Charlie did actually remember, and a few minutes later was delighted by his windfall, which he placed in his treasure box. As for five dollars, he should have aimed a little higher, I think.

My World is a Different World

I think there are some weird children's books out there. I apologize to the huge fan base, but I think many of them are by Dr. Suess. There is also *Curious George by H.A. Rey. I could go on about the cruelty of snagging a monky from Africa ("The man picked him up quickly and popped him into a bag.") Then there is "After a good meal and a good pipe George felt very tired." Nice. In addition, I am sorry to say, many of the Little Golden Books I grew up on are kind of weird too. Mark and I have tried for five years to understand the theme of The Poky Little Puppy by Janette Sebring Lowrey.

Again I apologize to any big fans, but in my opinion, the popularity of anything by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Clement Hurd is just baffling. I know Goodnight Moon has been adored by generations. Mark and I know it by heart. The kids know it by heart. But, seriously, a five-year-old could have penned this strange tale, and a three year old could have drawn the pictures. Also out there is a "companion book" to Goodnight Moon called My World. Here are some of the more ridiculous lines:

"My spoon.

Daddy's spoon.

'The moon belongs

To the man in the moon.'"

I think I actually wrote something similar in third grade.

"Daddy's boy.
Mother's boy.
My boy is just a toy
Bear."

Perhaps Brown was on a deadline and couldn't somehow fine tune the poetry. I think more likely she smoked something whacky when she wrote.

Speaking of smoking something whacky, I don't know if you've seen the bios of Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd. Besides the assessment of each of their work being completely misguided ("Margaret Wise Brown was a writer of extraordinary talent,") the photos are outright strange. The one of Margaret Wise Brown shows her with her dog. Fair enough. Then there is the photo of Clement Hurd. He looks absolutely creepy. He looks like a child molester or a serial killer. It's disturbing. And he's holding a cigarette. Nice. However, according to his Wiki: "A doctored/altered photo of Hurd was included in the 60th anniversary republication of Goodnight Moon with a cigarette removed from his hand, causing controversy over publication standards."

As the publishing controversy shows, it's really, more than anything, how our standards have changed, from writing quality, to the messages we send to our children. It really was a different world in 1949. Regardless, in 2008 Clement Hurd still looks creepy.

*The Curious George movie, made in 2006, is really great, and ignores or satarizes most of the inappropriate themes in the original book. The TV show on PBS is very cute but I still have issue with a monkey living in a rent controlled flat in New York City.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

I was driving on the way home from the grocery store, and came upon a woman walking her dog down the middle of the street. Not a cul-de-sac, or even a suburban road, but a street where a car passes every thirty seconds or so. So she's walking her dog down the middle of the street, over a bridge, mind you, and stops when I come by such that I have to go into the oncoming lane to go around her. As I pass, she gives me a friendly wave.

"What a crazy person..." I say out loud. "...but we live in the city for the diversity, and diversity includes crazy people."

Then I respond, "What are you talking about? You are the one talking out loud to yourself in the car."

Contemporary Feminism

I just read an article by David Von Drehle from the May 24 issue of Time Magazine. Yes, I know, I know, I am a little behind, my reading material has consisted lately of Dr. Seuss, Margaret Wise Brown and books illustrated beautifully by Eric Carle. Anyway, I had bought the magazine because of the article regarding the future of the Democratic Party, but by the time I read the article two more primaries had occured, so it was pointless.

The aforementioned article that caught my eye was "The Texas Polygamist Sect: Uncoupled and Unchartered." The article basically covers a story regarding a fundamentalist Mormon sect. It seems one of this type of renegade religious sect floats to the top every decade or so, and all on the inside as well as some on the outside believe they are better left alone. Of course in this case the issue is the physical and psychological well-being of the 437 children. 437 children! 437! They have been put into foster care. Why not allow them to stay with their mothers? I suppose they have to sort out if the mothers are unfit or if their tyrannical culture led by men has made women victims as well.

I don't have the answers. I don't even have an opinion because I don't have enough information. But there is one aspect of this issue, mentioned in the article, that sickens me. The article states: "Caught in the middle is Texas judge Barbara Walther, who was asked to weigh requests from the parents to... reunite nursing mothers with the 77 kids who are under age 2." By no means do I consider this unreasonable. However, the judge's ruling puts a pit in my stomach: "For the nursing mothers, the judge offered a lesson in contemporary feminism: 'Every day in this country there are thousands of mothers who, after six weeks' maternity leave, must go back to work--and they deal with this issue.'" Offered a lesson? That is as if it is standard practice for women to quit nursing at 6 weeks and return to work. Offered a lesson? What if a "modern" stay-at-home mom were to have her baby taken from her because she had a tyranncial husband and told to "deal with the issue?" No, the father would be removed from the home. Not to mention, whether you think it's right or wrong, or downright weird, these women are not modern. They have no clue what modern even means. I feel that they have been thrust into a time machine against their will.

Maybe the scope is so huge it's too difficult to address any one individual, so there are sweeping rulings until they sort things out. But come on, nursing mothers? Why not put them on house arrest at Motel 6 and let them nurse their babies? There Texas, that's my solution.

Pretty in Pink

Watch out, Atelier Versace, you have met your new competition. The newcomer to the red carpet... Charlie Colucy.

Mother's Day: A Grumpy Morning and a Tornado Warning

For Mother's Day all I wanted, like most of my friends, was a cup of coffee and a newspaper without kids bugging me about whether they were going to watch Curious George or Oswald or who had the Optimus Prime toy first.

I got downstairs first because the four stooges were still in the office wrapping my gift and screaming at each other. Four soon became three when Max came downstairs, laid down on the floor and went back to sleep.

Like I said, all I asked for was an hour with coffee and the paper. No coffee. Usually it brews on a timer, if Mark sets it. No paper on the porch. Seriously. I yelled up the stairs for Mark to call circulation to get one delivered. "How?!?" he screamed down the stairs. "Go to the website, I yelled back." So relaxing.

Finally they came down the stairs, Atticus blubbering that he wanted to carry the gift and Charlie calling him a stupid idiot. As Mark addressed this, I can tell in his tone the morning will not go well.

When Mark asked me weeks before what I wanted for Mother's Day by way of a gift, I said a Garden Weasel. Not too difficult, I thought. I was wrong, just like I was about the coffee mug I asked for for my birthday. He said a Garden Weasel wasn't a very good gift. I don't get it with men. They'd rather get you what they perceive, or what advertising projects, as an appropriate Mother's Day gift. Never mind what you want, or ask for. My father gets my stepmother the same perfume every year for her birthday. It is the perfume she wears, but after 25 years, how is that even a gift? That's practially like giving her toothpaste.

Back to the morning... they had gotten me some really delicious Origins body scrub and cream (grapefruit scented, it smells so good I want to eat it), and a beautiful windchime. After that things pretty much went downhill. The kids were particularly torqued up from a cookout and two birthday parties on Saturday. Mark let the inmates get to him. Atticus asked for a banana. Mark refused (why?). Atticus spent the next 20 minutes blubbering about a banana and then Max woke up and wanted a banana too. Charlie, in the meantime, was being the most adorable waiter, with the "Would you like a grapefruit, ma'm?" and "Coming right up." He even took at little rose and stuck it in my grapefruit. I was doing what I like to do when I read the paper, which is to share the particularly interesting things I read out loud to no one in particular. Evidently Mark couldn't stand the additional auditory stimuli because he snapped "Just be quiet" to me. Then there was screaming and fighting about getting dressed. Mark thinks "Atticus is five, he should get himself dressed," so there was a lot of screaming and escalating tempers. What I know is that Atticus is going through the "I don't want to grow up, I want to stay a baby" phase and to not fight it and just get him dressed.

Later in the day, Mark suggested we go to Home Depot. Ok, it may sound like a weird place to go on Mother's Day, but I love Home Depot. I could spend days in Home Depot and never come out. I started out by getting the supplies for a lawn project I've been wanting to do while Mark got a cover for the new grill. Then the kids sat on the lawn tractors, Mark and I looked at gardening implements, from which we selected a narrow-pronged pitchfork ("This is what you want, not a Garden Weasel.") We then spent thirty minutes flipping through outdoor furniture magazines while lounging in the floor samples, as the kids played in the "hiding places."

Finally we needed to head out for our Linner (like brunch, but between lunch and dinner) reservation. As we approached the check-out, with Atticus and Charlie brawling like Irish immigrants, I heard a familiar whining sound, and so did Mark. "Tornado siren?" I mouthed to Mark. He flipped his head toward the door indicating I should go look. I walked outside and there was indeed a tornado warning and the sky looked truly evil. I looked around. Some people were looking with mild curiosity to the sky, but most people went about their business as the sky got darker and the siren wailed.

Back in the store I nodded to Mark and he said "Come on boys" as he held Atticus and Charlie's hands and I picked up Max. "Where are we going?" Charlie asked. "To the bathroom" Mark replied. In the back of the store, at the restrooms, there was some confusion as to whether I would come in the men's with them or go in the women's alone. We decided Mark would take the boys in and I would try to get some information on my Blackberry. Well, there was indeed a tornado warning for our area. Standing in the rear of the store I observed the people around me. You couldn't hear the siren inside the store, so I wanted to scream "Don't you people know there is a tornado warning!?!" I looked around at fifty-foot high shelves of lumber and glass and bathtubs and ceramic tile. This is the same rotating storm system that killed at least 22 people in Missouri, Oklahoma and Georgia.

I don't know about in the Midwest, but in Central Ohio it amazes me how lackadaisical people are about a tornado warning. I've been in two tornados and witnessed one tornado in the distance, and I don't mess around. The latest experience was a horrible day last year. We had all gone to the pool on a Saturday in late summer. It was a beautiful sunny day, but it was getting late and we decided at the next rest period we would go home. I was packing up with Maxie and Mark was still in the pool with the other two when the siren went off. The siren was about 100 yards from where we were standing. The black clouds emerged from behind the trees in seconds. Kids were running everywhere, grabbing towels, getting on their bikes, running home. The teens manning the desk were clueless in their little wooden hut. The wind started to blow. It was horrifying. Note: It is impossible to buckle a child into a carseat with water wings on.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Mark.

"Go home," he replied.

In hindsight we realize that wasn't the best plan. Every year since first grade during Tornado Awareness Week, we have been reminded that you never ever stay in your car during a tornado. Never mind actually getting in your car. Since childhood I had this "what if" plan that if I were ever out and about in a tornado, I would knock on the nearest door and ask for shelter. Well, I forgot all about that. First we headed parallel to the storm. I felt ok because we were moving. If I didn't look toward the storm, and to the sunny sky to the east, I could keep it together, but not for long. I had a full-fledged panic attack and started bawling. Charlie, who up until now had said nothing (for the first time in his life) stated simply "I hope this isn't the end of our lives."

We made it home just ahead of the storm. In the basement, the kids sat on the pool table, a little shaken up, while I folded laundry to stay calm, relieved we were safe. In our brick house with 24-inch solid concrete basement walls, the only indication that there was a storm outside was a thin stream of water that trickled from the only spot in our basement that leaks and only does so in heavy rain. Mark watched the local weather and we learned a small tornado had touched down near at the intersection we were stopped at when I freaked out. For months Charlie brought home pictures of tornados he had drawn during quiet time at school. I think that must be how he worked through it.

Back at Home Depot, having continually refreshing my Blackberry, finally the note came up that the warning had ended. The kids knew what was going on and no one freaked out. Charlie had explained to his brothers what the bathroom was safe. He didn't even talk about it all day, or play "tornado" with his toys like I thought he would.

All's well that ends well. We checked out (ironically, the manager made an announcement about a tornado warning, now that it was over) and barely made our Linner reservation. After a double mudslide at Linner all was right with the world.

As we were getting ready for bed that night Mark said "I'm sorry for Mother's Day I didn't make you feel as appreciated as you are. It's just you set the expectation so high..."

"Wait a minute," I replied. "I asked for an hour reading the paper and a Garden Weasel. Who is it really who sets the expectation so high? I'm pretty easy to please."

"Easy to please?" he laughed. "You had a good point, don't push it."

Copyright Infringement

Recently one of my posts was copied into another blog, without permission, and with the most malicious intent. If you are interested at all, Blogger has a very strict policy in support of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Be sure to tip your waiter and waitresses. Thank you and good night.

There's No Crying In Auto Racing

As I am sure a lot of you know, Danica Patrick won the Japan 300 on Sunday. This is huge. More than huge. She is the first woman ever to beat men in a man's sport. Surely some women can beat some men at tennis, golf or volleyball. But she beat men in a sport, in which before her, only men participated.

In 2005, when she appeared on the racing scene, as a celebrity figure she was immediately popular. She's beautiful, and the media took advantage of that, and so did she. I don't know if that was clever or degrading. She claimed in yet another interview “I’ve always understood the way it is... there’s so many opportunities I get as a female. Then again, I’m held to a different standard. There’s a flip side to everything. It’s just the price I have to pay.”

I can honestly say I have never more than glanced at a auto race. It's like basketball for me, the only part that is remotely interesting is the last two minutes. When my husband told me she won, I swelled with pride, not necessarily because a woman won, but because the times are truly changing. It will be history to my sons that there was a day when women didn't win Indy car races all the time and there had never been be women or brown people as president.

As amazing as this, in the media, I cannot find one article that does focus on, or merely mention the fact that she cried. Even worse for me is that she is abashed at her behavior after the race. Said to the associated press: "When it actually happened, maybe it was a little anticlimactic," she said. "Then the emotions came out and that was a little girly of me." On an ESPN video interview with a female commentator (Danica Patrick Wins Historic Race) Danica made excuses for herself again. Half of the interview is spent discussing her tears. She appears to be ashamed when she states "I didn't want to cry but I did, those photos will live forever." On the contrary, a male commentator claims (Danica Patrick Wins First Career Victory) "... emotion is what makes sports beautiful ..."

Mark and I discussed this. He claims men cry when the lose (like the big burly man's men who lose the superbowl), and wondered why women cry when they win. I, personally, cry when I am angry. Not very effective, I admit, in a corporate environment. And it's not like tears crying, it's like can't talk crying, my throat closes up. It's really annoying. Anyway, I told him it's really an issue of release of pressure. Danica Patrick had a lot of pressure for six years from the media and from herself to win a race. She knew it would be historic when she did. I would be surprised if she didn't cry.

I suppose for Danica, now that the pressure is off, and the deed is done, and it will only get easier from here. And I suppose the next time she wins, she won't cry.

I'm Backing Up

"I'm backing uuuupp." That was Atticus's first full sentance.

Backing up my PC has become an obsession of mine to the extent that my external hard drive gets full every month or so. I am just paranoid about losing anything. That's because last summer my hard drive crashed. Like Thelma and Louise into the Grand Canyon. I lost everything: email, files and every photo ever taken of my children with a digital camera.

Now Writerscafe.org has tanked and I am paranoid again. I procrastinated about the hard drive. Even when it was grinding like a '73 Chevelle trying to start up, I thought a crash couldn't happen to me. I will not procrastinate backing up this blog.

I found a great website with 10 ways to back up your Blogger blog. I personally went with #4 - free and very very easy. Just in case, I also executed #6. Although I followed the steps, I have no idea what I would do with the data were Blogger to go down.

Sure hope this helps you, too. Cheers.

A Dapper Dan Man

We were sitting in church Sunday before Mass and Mark leaned over. "I am really lucky to have hair. Look..." I looked around, he was right. Most men were bald or balding. To abate this you have implants, toupees, the comb-over, and the latest trend: shaving the whole thing to leave the true status to the imagination. "You are lucky," I replied. He has a full head of dark hair.

"Thank you Lord for the health of my family, my ability to work with my mind and my hands," he said, "and thank you for my hair." I rolled my eyes but laughed internally. He can be so irreverent.

My father has had male pattern baldness from the age of 16, fully bald over the top of his scalp by age 18. I've never known him to be anything but bald. He tried shaving it with a HeadBlade a few years back but that lasted about a month. He said it was just too much work to shave every day. Since allegedly boys get the hair gene from their maternal grandfather, that does not bode well for my boys. According to the Propecia people, 50% of men experience some male pattern baldness by age 50. This statistic is probably skewed a bit, considering the source, but it seems pretty close.

The female equivalent to this conundrum is hair color. Only one woman I know my age does not color her hair, and she has the most beautiful silver hair I have ever seen. To be honest, though, it does make her look older than she is. Is that just a matter of perception? Do those who color their hair look younger than they are? It's an assumption that women in their 30s do not have gray hair. That is not true. Most women in their 30s do have some gray, the definition of "premature gray" being inconsistent. Coloring has become the norm to the extent that those who don't color stand out.

Just as a side note I have no gray hair. My hairdresser has confirmed this, and she has done my hair for 10 years, so she is not lying to protect my vanity. Having said that, I do color my hair. I am a natural blonde. I could prove it, but I will spare you. I have my hair colored a reddish-brown, close to that of my mother's and my younger brother's. Why? Because of the stigma of blond hair. "Dumb blondes," "blondes have more fun," "gentlemen prefer blonds," blonde jokes. I've spent my whole life trying to prove that blondes really can be smart, but I really had to work hard, as pitiful as that is. Again, it's perception. What's really the point of remaining blonde? Only about 5% of women who appear blonde are genetically so. I would just fall into line with the rest of the herd.

It's been said before that a man's gray hair only makes him look more sophisticated. I should add that I think maybe some would say that baldness would detract from that look of sophistication. At my 20-year high school reunion last summer I found that the women looked great, and the men... not so much. Maybe it's the fat bald guy thing. The not-fat, not-bald guys were the ones who stood out. Mostly my hubby, thick hair arranged sloppily with hair glue.

The Needs of the Few

You know when you get into a television show, find a new perfect eyeshadow color, or even a pair of jeans that fits just right? What happens? It gets discontinued. Well, that has happened to me, but with an airline. My favorite airline, Skybus, is dead. In researching for this story I am totally impressed with Wikipedia for having already updated their definition. Skybus was a small, low-cost carrier based in Columbus, OH (very convenient for me). My sister-in-law actually flew to Seattle, Boston and Florida for $10.

I am very egocentric to say Skybus was great. It was great for me. I am 30 minutes to the airport in Columbus (door to door) and 15 minutes from my Dad's near St. Augustine (door to door). My dad had his stroke on a Thursday. I was at the hospital by 8am Friday. I was planning on going to see him again on the 18th of April. Those plans are dashed as I was going for the weekend and by the time I pay $350 to get there (maybe) with one stop, and one hour back and forth for my stepmom to pick me up in Jacksonville, I'd get to spend maybe an hour with my dad.

It is said that you can call your credit card company and get your money back. That's just money. Isn't there a time in your life when your time becomes more important than money? So here we are, back to flying into Orlando, which from Columbus, OH is the least expensive and closest city to my dad with a direct flight.

I took Asian History in college, and the professor did actually say one thing that has stuck with me all this time. "Technology has made the world monumentally smaller." The space between me and my dad just got monumentally bigger.

Wimpy, Dainty, It's All the Same

My husband called me from the car yesterday and said he had something to tell me. I was running out the door, so I told him to call back between meetings. When we finally hooked up he said, "Do you concede that Obama is the frontrunner?"

"Yes," I replied sadly, "yes."

"Well, I you should think hard before you vote for him."

"Why?" I replied in monotone, thinking he was going to mock me about some Democrat vs Republican issue that divides the country and our household.

"He was recently in Altoona, Pennsylvania..." Oh, boy, here we go "... and he bowled a 37.

"What?" I asked, taken completely off-guard.

"Bowling, like at a bowling alley."

"Where did you hear that?" I said, feeling somewhat defensive. I average about 90 myself.

"They were talking about it on Morning Joe . Joe [Scarborough] and Willie [Geist] said that Obama's bowling was "dainty" and they would expect at least a 150 out of their president. I agree."

What does bowling have to do with being president? Oh, never mind. "Yeah, that's funny."

I would only like to point out, Dear Reader, that in my controversial post Non-Political Controversy , I referred to Obama as "a little wimpy for me." I wonder if Hillary can bowl a 150, not to mention John McCain.

Diary of a Wednesday

Disclaimer:

I am committed to not be what I call a "journal blogger." A lot of people post for the purposes of keeping a daily record of the events in their life. That's fine. I appreciate that, but I personally don't have the time to sift through all of their "Took my dog to the vet..." to find a particularly funny or poingnant tale. Having said that I think the run-down of my day yesterday might be interesting and telling. If not to you, to me.

Prologue:
This is what my calendar looks like, color-coded for each family member:




7:00-7:30 Shower (you may know how rare a shower for me is at my home home. Usually, if I get one it's at the gym)

8:00 Take Charlie to school

8:30-8:45 Parking lot duty

8:45 Atticus to school (to be fair, it's the same school at which I did parking lot duty)

9:00-11:30 Volunteer at Max's PDO (don't get me wrong, I don't mind changing diapers, just not diapers of other people's kids)

11:30-11:45 Chat with Atticus's teacher outside of the restroom ("I wouldn't say Atticus has bad days, he's just Atticus")

12:00 Lunch from Wendy's in the car for Max and me

12:30 Pick up Atticus from lunch bunch

12:45-1:30 Atticus's first gymnastics class (Check it out: in the morning I actually had the foresight to put shorts on underneath his pants)

2:00 Attempt to get Max to nap (no luck); fold one load of clothes

2:50 Pick up Charlie

2:50-3:15 Kids play on the playground (Come on, it's the first day since the blizzard that it's been clear enough and warm enough); friend informs me enrollment for SUMMER SWIM PASSES started two weeks ago

4:00-4:30 Desparately rush to register online for swim passes (whew, they were still available)

4:30 Determine that Charlie has no homework, so I have time to go to the bathroom

5:00 Start dinner while yelling at Charlie and Atticus to get their shin guards and soccer shoes on

5:15 Serve a disgusting dinner of tasteless grilled chicken breasts, microwave mashed potatoes and frozen mixed vegetables

6:00-6:30 Dishes from all day, straighten strewn book bags, coats, shoes, toys, and laundry (yes, it was my bright idea to bring the unfolded laundry up to the living room to avoid Out-of-Sight-Out-of-Mind Syndrome)

6:30-7:15 Stepmom calls to give me the weekly update on my dad's progress (he had a stroke six weeks ago, and even the doctors say his progress is phenomenal)

7:15 Max's bath

7:30 Mark, Charlie and Atticus come home ("Cyn, can you give them their bath tonight, I am really behind on the bills?")

8:30 All kids in bed ("Cyn, can you help me reconcile these bills?")

8:31 I inform Mark that I will stop helping him at precisely 8:59 to catch American Idol

9:30-10:30 American Idol (thank goodness for DVR)

I don't remember anything after than until the alarm went off this morning.

Fwd:

Forwards. Everyone hates them. The new statement is "I don't usually forward, but this is particularly [insert adjective]." The thing that I hate most is when people I haven't talked to or seen in years suddenly send me a forward. The bright side, I guess, that I am still in their address book. On the other hand, one friend sends about four a day. I have this image of her checking her email and sending all the forwards to everyone in her address book without even reading them herself. She recently got a Blackberry. I guess she wanted to send her forwards from the road. Actually, she's not annoying to me, I have everything from her starting in "Fwd" or "Forward" filtered directly to my junk mail. The problem is, occasionally a pertinent email gets into my junk by accident.

"Didn't you get my email about the birthday party?"

Um... "Oh, yeah, sorry it took me so long to respond, I've been so busy." Almost everything you send me goes to my junk mail to save my time to read the important stuff.

If I have time, I can be a very annoying receiver of forwards about missing children, asbestos in tampons, or golfers eaten by crocodiles. I check Snopes to prove them wrong and "Respond to All". Hee hee.

Anyway, for a blogger, herein lies the rub: I discovered a fellow mom-blogger through a forwarded email. Granted, it wasn't random, my friend Melanie said "You should see this thing going around the internet, it's hilarious." It was hilarious, this blogger is extremely talented, I read her blog every day, and I am proud to say she actually reads mine occasionally.

So, with the ingenerate dilemma of Abbie Hoffman's Steal This Book, I ask that if you particularly enjoy one of my stories, forward it along, but please ask permission. And please give it the respect that Melanie gave to my fellow blogger. What's the point if it goes directly into someone's junk mail?

And Your Seats Are in the Upright and Locked Position

Last summer I got to know the wife of Charlie’s t-ball coach, as we sat together twice a week for six weeks. I discovered Lauren to be a very patient, attentive mom. Not that I let my kids run wild, but I believe that unless they are a danger to themselves or others, my kids should be able to experience life in any way they want. During one evening game Atticus enjoyed playing in the soft, dusty dirt that can be found on and around a baseball field. I didn't really care because he was going to get a bath as soon as we got home. He had it on his hands, in his hair, on his clothes, and all over his face, the snot having mixed with the dirt to become mud. When he came over to visit me, Lauren asked if I wanted a wipe. "No thanks" I said, thinking it was a lost cause. She proceeded to try to wipe him herself, actually getting out of her chair to chase him when he ran away.

A few weeks after the t-ball season had ended, I ran into Lauren at Target, and we chatted a bit. You know how it goes:

“What are you here for?”

“A sweatshirt for Charlie.” but I’ll never get out of here without spending $200 on crap I don’t need.

That Sunday I was walking into church and our Priest caught my arm. "Lauren Thompson passed away yesterday... a brain tumor."

"Lauren Thompson," I replied, "Lauren Thompson my age?"

"Yes."

Only old people who sip on lye as children die of brain tumors. "Lauren Thompson, my age?!?" I begged, hoping he was mistaken.

"Yes, with two young boys."

I plopped down in the pew next to Mark. "Lauren Thompson died," I said, staring straight ahead.

"Paul’s wife? How?"

"Father said a brain tumor. He must have meant an aneurysm. Who dies that suddenly of a brain tumor?"

After mass I got the story from a close friend of Lauren’s, whose eyes were swollen and she looked terribly pale. Lauren had had dizzy spells for months and flu-like symptoms all summer. She finally had a headache and vomiting so bad she told Paul she needed to go to the ER. There they did an MRI and discovered half her brain was engulfed by a tumor. The pressure on her brain was what was giving her the headaches and vomiting. They removed a part of her skull to relieve some of the pressure, but that didn't work. They asked Paul if he thought they should remove more. He then made the most courageous and impossible decisions anyone would ever have to make. He called the family and children to come say goodbye and took her off life support.

She had kissed her kids goodnight and twelve hours later she was dead.

I am betting Lauren had never seen a doctor for her ailments. You can only imagine how many times she took the kids in for annual checkups, ear infections, and stomach bugs. She probably even reminded Paul to go to the dentist. But I am sure she never found the time to go to the doctor herself. I am sure she thought she would get to it late. Moms since the beginning of time took care of others and put themselves last. I know I do it. I am 39 and never had a mammogram. I have hypothyroidism and I don’t get blood drawn until my hair starts falling out, although I am supposed to go every six weeks. I have been meaning for about six months to get a full body scan at a dermatologist to look for skin cancer because I am very fair.

There is a Christian radio show called Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. About a year ago DeMoss discussed Proverbs 31 of the bible. This sums it up her view: "Today, women are so programmed to want their own position and to want recognition for what they do. They do not want to be known as Mrs. So-and-so, but to be known in their own right, for their own gifts and their own contribution. But the excellent woman... recognizes that it is really a compliment to be known as the wife of a man who has risen to a position of spiritual leadership." I don't want to offend anyone who may take stock in these beliefs, but in my opinion, this a very degrading and dangerous attitude. The importance cannot be stressed enough of the equal partnership in a marriage, and that means although the “career” of a stay-at-home mom is to take care of her family, she has to take care of herself too.

When you are on an airplane during the pre-flight safety instructions the flight attendants advise that in the case of "loss of cabin pressure" the oxygen masks will drop. They specifically say to put your mask on first before helping others. This is the way it should be in life, too. You can't effectively nurture others if you don't take care of yourself.

Get a massage, go shopping, get to the gynecologist, get your mammogram, go to the dentist and eye doctor, exercise, drink enough water and have a hobby. My hobby is writing this questionably entertaining blog, but I barely have enough time to do that between schlepping this one here and that one there, wiping butts, doing laundry and cooking dinner.

But when the oxygen masks drop, put yours on first. Then you'll all have a better chance of survival.

The Truth About Handbags

This one has been going around the Internet, but I thought I'd post it here since it has really gotten me to change the way I do things...

HANDBAGS...

I never gave it a thought. Who would have thought? Have you ever noticed women who sit their handbags on public toilet floors - then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot. It's not always the 'restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes 'what you don't know will hurt you'.

Read on... Mum got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food. She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Mum!!! It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what's inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's on the outside? Shauna Lake put handbags to the test - for bacteria – with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your handbag.

Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your handbag goes during the day?...

We decided to find out if handbags harbor a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake , and then we set out to test the average woman's handbag... Microbiologist Amy Karen of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria. Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found on the handbags could make people very sick. In one sampling, four of five handbags tested positive for salmonella, and that's not the worst of it. 'There is fecal contamination on the handbags,' says Amy. Leather or vinyl handbags tended to be cleaner than cloth handbags, and lifestyle seemed to play a role. People with kids tended to have dirtier handbags than those without, with one exception. The handbag of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all. 'Some type of feces, or possibly vomit' says Amy.

So, the moral of this story - your handbag won't kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat.

Use hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don't put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop. Experts say you should think of your handbag the same way you would a pair of shoes. ' If you think about putting a pair of shoes onto your countertops, that's the same thing you're doing when you put your handbag on the countertops' - your handbag has gone where individuals before you have sneezed, coughed, spat, urinated, emptied bowels, etc! Do you really want to bring that home with you? The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a handbag will help. Wash cloth handbags and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather handbags.

Thanks to my friend Ellie for passing this along. By the way, I checked Snopes and they confirmed this is true.

Crappy Birthday To Me

I hate my birthday. It has nothing to do with getting older. I turned 39 this year, and I do not fear 40. I am smarter and healthier than I was at age 30. No, it has to do with the day itself.

The birthday celebration has a really interesting history. The celebration itself is steeped in superstition, as things often are in most beliefs of ancient man. According to the placemat at many Chinese restaurants, the Chinese base their horoscope system on year of birth. I always thought that was kind of silly since that would assume that everyone with the same year of birth would have the same personality characteristics. Just looking at my brother and my husband throws that theory out the window. However, I am an Earth Rooster, which is surprisingly pretty accurate. The modern horoscope, as presented in Cosmopolitan Magazine is based on the Zodiac. The Zodiac horoscope method divides the year into birthday date ranges and creates a daily prediction of the occurrences in the life of each person. Again, that's silly because it would assume that everyone in my date range would have the same characteristics. However, I am Pisces, which again is surprisingly pretty accurate.

Theoretically, in my mind, someone's birthday should be the celebration of the life of one human being. I do try to treat the birthday of the people in my life that way. I always give good wishes, send a card or an email, or give a gift. Another talent of my mother's was celebrating our birthdays. She always made a huge deal, with wonderful gifts. She made us feel really special. My friend Melanie and I have somehow started the tradition of giving each other little gifts. It's fun. I think most of all, it is most important just to acknowledge the date is remembered.

Here are three reasons I hate my birthday:

1. The weather: in the best case it's cold, damp and sunny. Usually it's cold, damp and grey

2. Lent: Lent is the most grim time of the Catholic calendar, a time of introspection, leading to Easter. Who wants to introspect, really? Also, usually I give up sweets for Lent, so no cake on the actual day, I have to wait for the closest Sunday

3. My dad never remembers, but he has deep psychological reasons to "forget," so I kind of let him off the hook

My birthday is extremely forgettable, I know this. It's at the beginning of the month. It doesn't give anyone any time to think "Oh my gosh, it's March, Cyn's birthday is coming up." Additionally, there is not good karma around it either. All I asked for from my husband was a new Starbucks travel coffee mug. He was unable to fulfill this small request. We had the largest snowstorm in central Ohio since 1910 (see #1 above). There were 24 inches of snow and a level three snow emergency. I think he is off the hook. Even flower deliveries were delayed three days.

I don't blame anyone for forgetting my birthday. This year my mother-in-law called and wished me a happy birthday. I am pretty sure she actually called me for something else. After she wished me a Happy Birthday I said "Guess who forgot my birthday." Oh, no," she replied, "not Mark?" "No, not Mark, I said... Me."

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Today I grabbed a tissue from the box and to my surprise it had a big green bugger on it. I guess some one has been taking Jack Johnson too seriously:

"If you're going to the market to buy some juice

You've got to bring your own bags and you learn to reduce your waste

And if your brother or your sister's got some cool clothes

You could try them on before you buy some more of those

Reuse, we've got to learn to reuse

And if the first two R's don't work out

And if you've got to make some trash

Don't throw it out

Recycle, we've got to learn to recycle..."

From "The 3 Rs" by Jack Johnson

Big Boo-boo

One time my husband's brother's family was visiting. They are not Catholic, nor practice any religion as far as I know. I caught my nephew in an unguarded moment staring at a crucifix on the wall that was at about eye level. After a moment I heard him whisper to himself "Ouch."

Everyone's a Critic

Charlie, my oldest (age 6) has pneumonia. The coughing is so bad at night he has been barfing. Poor baby, we have been letting him sleep with us. We gave him cough medicine and he climbed into our bed between us.

I said "Don't worry, honey, your cough will go away soon" to which he replied "I hope your breath goes away soon."

The next night he wanted to sleep on the other side of Daddy. Coincidence? I think not.