Not The Soft Shoe

Not too long ago we purchased a beautiful 37 inch LCD television. we did our research and for our viewing conditions (a lot of backlight and viewing from the side) LCD was better than plasma, and of course, also more expensive. Personally, I think it's a little silly. First of all, we are sitting ten feet from the thing at the farthest, so the size just seems ridiculous to me. Secondly, since there are only a handful of channels that broadcast in high-definition, what's the point? Having said that, ESPN is just such a channel, and it is pretty weird to be able to see the blades of grass when watching a golf tournament.

Well, we instituted a No Throwing Anything Ever rule. In the past soft balls and stuffed animals were ok, but now the game has changed. It is, after all, an LCD screen, just like on your laptop computer. You wouldn't throw a Transformer at your computer.

Several months passed and for the most part the kids were re-trained to the No Throwing Anything Ever rule. Then one day, while I was sitting on the toilet, Atticus (then 3 1/2) came sheepishly in (evidently we have an open-door policy) and said "I am sorry I jacked up the TV, Mommy."

"What do you mean, jacked up the TV!?!?" I finished and ran downstairs. I stared. I couldn't believe it. The liquid crystal behind the clear film had shattered like glass. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?" I repeated over and over until I almost hyperventilated.
Atticus very quietly replied "I didn't like Dora any more, so I threw my shoe."
"YOU THREW A SHOE!?!?!" I screamed. Go to your room. They never go to their room when I tell them to, but this time he did, and did so quickly.

I called my husband. How was he going to take the news that his baby was destroyed?
"The TV is dead, I cried into the phone, Atticus threw a shoe."
"He threw a shoe?!?! What was he thinking?"
"He didn't like Dora any more."
"What were you doing?"
"Pooping."

Later that night, Mark and I had a talk. He told me it was no big deal. He told me when I first called he thought someone was hurt. Then he told me his father had such a thing for his electronics: TVs, guitars, stereos, that Mark said sometimes he felt like his dad loved his stuff more than his kids. He said he didn't want to be like that.

In the next few days I made some calls. First I called the insurance company to see if it was covered. "No," my agent said. "With the policy you have it's not covered. Now, if he had thrown a shoe at your neighbors TV..."

Then I called the place where we bought the TV, and bought an extended warranty to see if it was covered. "No," the man said, "not for accidental damage. Now if a tree had fallen on your TV..."

Then I called the credit card company to see if they covered it. "No," the person said. I expected no less at that point.

Then I called Sony to see if we could get the screen replaced. To replace the screen would cost more than to replace the TV.

We watched it broken for a few weeks. The cracks creeped further and further until we could watch it no more. Sadly, we had no choice but to take it to the curb. Within five minutes there was a knock on the door. "Are you really throwing that TV away?" a woman asked. "Yes," I replied, "but trust me, it's not watchable and the screen is not replaceable." They took it anyway.

Several months later, just before football season, having been watching our old 24 inch TV had we had dragged from the basement, we decided to purchase a new TV. We went to Circuit City on a Saturday night (big mistake) and I was trying to keep three boys rounded up and stop then from destroying electronic devices while Mark talked to the sales girl. He had just about decided again on LCD. I walked up and said "What if a child were to throw, say, a shoe at a plasma TV?" "Nothing," she replied, "the screen is three layer of glass." Mark and I looked at each other and and simultaneously said "We'll take plasma, then." Then Max came up behind me and accidentally dropped his toy onto an LCD TV on the lower shelf.

"Yes," Mark repeated, "plasma."