The Lunch Nazis

Ok, we've signed up our two pre-schoolers for "Lunch Bunch" which is once a week when they pack a lunch and stay at school and eat. Today in their schoolbags were the "guidelines" for packing a lunch. That in and of itself is ridiculous, I mean who can't pack a lunch for their kid? But it gets worse... there are two whole pages of guidelines. Here are some examples:

• "No peanuts or peanut butter" is mentioned no fewer than four times, either in bold, ALL CAPS, or BOTH.
  
• "Candy will be confiscated by the Lunch Bunch staff." I wonder if they have an evidence room containing all of the confiscated candy. If so, I'd like to know where it is, because after a morning of getting three young boys out of the house I could use some Pez.
• "State Licensing requires that all lunches, regardless of content, have an ice pack." Umm, not gonna happen.
• I have left the best for last. For those of us who are unable, by the time your children are age three, to provide them with a healthy lunch, they have provided a sample menu, including serving sizes. Gee, I hope there is not a quiz. I will let you know, however, in case as a parent you don't have enough to feel guilty about, that hot dogs and deli meat do not count in the "lean meat" category. I wonder if chicken nuggets do, because my kids eat them no less than 3 times a week.